“My Story Of Recovery.
My name is Nate and I am an addict. I didn’t always believe that statement, and if I’m being honest it took me walking down a long, difficult road to finally know the truth of that sentence. I’m not sure who’s going to be reading this but if you’re new to the program, or having doubts about making your way into recovery, let me start off by saying that I now have a life that I could only ever see other people living.
I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that it was all sunshine and rainbows, you’re never going to hear me say that I’m cured…What I will tell you is how grateful I am to not only still be alive, but living a life beyond my wildest dreams. There is a huge difference between the two. I feel as though in any recovery story, the specifics of all the moments that give strength to our diseases aren’t important. Besides, I’ve found that the thing that ties everyone’s story together is the feelings.
“HAVING HOPE FOR THE FUTURE AND BEING ABLE TO APPRECIATE THIS WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE THAT WE CALL LIFE. AND I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT GATEHOUSE, A PROGRAM, AND THE PEOPLE I’VE MET HERE.”
As I was growing up, I could never fit in. No matter how hard or what I tried, I always felt like a failure that no one wanted around. I felt like I was different in a bad way. The only thing that seemed to bring me joy was doing things that took me outside of myself, and that was doing things I considered fun. Having fun was the only thing that filled the hole in my heart. It started innocent with childhood games and staying out late, and then transformed into partying and partying hard. The drugs and alcohol brought pleasure into my life I had never experienced before, one where I didn’t care what other people thought, and I could finally enjoy myself around others. I became so obsessed with this feeling that I neglected the things around me and didn’t think to look where I was headed. My purpose for life had become chasing that feeling. The drugs got harder, the actions more severe. I found my rock bottom many times. I can’t tell you why this rock bottom was different from the others, I just know that something changed after this one.
I finally decided to give this recovery thing a shot. I went places I didn’t want to go, asked questions that I didn’t want the answers to, and surrounded myself with solid people in the program. I went to the members of A.A. who had years of sobriety and I asked them how they did it. Not only did I ask, but when they offered their suggestions, I listened. If you want what they have, you’ll do what they did. If you ask me what the most important thing to have when it comes to recovery is, its this:The willingness to not only want to get sober, but to stay that way. To recover.
I do have moments where the obsession comes by from time to time, but I have no regrets about facing my fears and giving this program an honest try. I went from hiding in my room, getting ripped, waiting to die, to having hope for the future and being able to appreciate this wonderful experience that we call life. And I couldn’t have done it without GateHouse, a program, and the people I’ve met here.
With that, I’ll share the time.”
Nate S.
GateHouse Alumnus
- The Relationship Between Childhood Trauma and Addiction - June 7, 2023
